I had one bitch of a weekend; one in which bike riding brought both danger and some serious oh-yeah-I’m-a-chick-and-I-have-think-differently-about-safety-than-a-guy introspection. It was not sex crime danger, it was pure physically brutal danger. I have bruises all over my right leg (which is weird, because I could swear I fell to my left), including one impressively blue-y green-y purple-y thing below my right hip…where I was kicked? Frankly, I’m not even sure because everything was so hectic and out of control.
[Also, I'm going to ask now that if anyone comments on this blog, please don't discuss any details of that madness on here. Thanks.]
After I found myself on the ground, the first thing I heard from one of the guy riders there with me was, Hey man that’s fucked up, that’s a FEMALE!
…
I know that person meant well, but it made me feel ten times more helpless than I already did. Even writing that gives me knots in my stomach and makes me want to cry out of pure frustration. Was it because I’m a girl that when danger put its face right in mine, I paused instead of bashed? And why do I feel like my reaction was the wrong reaction? Also, is it really less okay to hit a girl (read: weak) than a guy (read: strong)?
These are all such tangled, loaded questions, aren’t they?
I don’t know what to tell you ladies, and I don’t know what to tell you gents, either. It can be a confusing thing, being a chick. I want to be strong, but I hate violence. I want people to think I’m attractive, but I hate the bullshit media-driven images of what is sexy and occassionally feel like I need to emulate it. I don’t want to bash on other chicks because we should all stick together, but goddammit there are some dumb fucking chicks out there that do NOT help matters any. Aargh.
I’m going to leave all of the open questions and confusion alone, and get back to bikes. I’ve had this on the calendar for a while now, but it feels really especially special to me right now: LADIES’ NIGHT. I’m putting together a fantastic playlist (according to me, of course) full of chick voices, and it’s going to be one big celebration of the wacky wildness that is being a chick on a bike. Come on along, won’t you?
Tags: bike riding, bikes, feminism, gender
July 13, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Yeeeah, those kinds of questions have plagued me forever, especially since I happen to be on the smaller side. I guess I’ve tried to distill it down to a weight match – if two folks wanna fight in the same weight range, it’s fair (Why I don’t date men who weigh more than I do). One time I got into a fight with my ex where I ended up hitting him. Not fair – especially since I weighed more and I was a lot stronger than him. But then there’s that whole female vs male anatomy thing that complicates and frustrates things.
Strangely, I feel safer being more “feminine” on my bike, since I don’t feel threatened by it as long as I can keep up and ride hard. If men wore dresses in public and were equally harassed on the streets, expressing myself “femininely” wouldn’t bother me at all. That’s kinda fucked up logic though, I know.
And as far as the bruises go…after a recent nasty fall I had bruises all over my right side when I was pretty sure I’d fallen on my left. Can’t explain it.
July 13, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Hmmm – this post and Happyland’s comment and a couple tweets kind of put a burr up my ass. I can’t put it all perfectly now, but I’m gonna try.
I don’t really think the consideration of how you reacted to violence warrants a feminist consideration. Cast it in the light of being human. It’s not as if men always bash instead of pause. To say “did I react that way because I’m a woman” betrays a stereotype held of men . . . or anyway – I feel that it does.
And – there are a couple other places here that I blanch and feel like your feminism has become a little tangled. You’re saying you sometimes withhold criticism of dumb fucking chicks because of some kind of woman-solidarity principle? Christ – just unload. Dumb fucking chicks are dumb fucking humans as it turns out – railing against them is fully endorsed by all non-dumb-fucking-humans. When did a dearth of Y chromosomes earn a free pass Ms. Stephanie?
Moving on – so he said “Hey man that’s fucked up, that’s a FEMALE!” Ok, that’s a bit sexist. But, you know what, if I thought to say it – I’d have said that too. Personally, if people are being hit (and don’t want to be hit) then I’m against it regardless of gender. However, there is a strong taboo against hitting women (whereas hitting men is a-ok in many situations.) Saying something along those lines would be my best first try at slowing or stopping the attacker – I would use the taboo.
If it had a been a kid or an old man instead, I can imagine they might have said “he’s a kid” or “he’s an old man”. Yes, it’s a sexist thing to say, but the underlying message is far more important – “why are you hitting people?” It’s too bad that we need to explain why people shouldn’t get hit, but that’s what’s going on here.
Happyland – you seem to be endorsing fighting between people of equal weight? And then you say that you hit your ex and that it was wrong, but it was especially wrong because you exceeded him in strength? WTF?
Look, I had one woman I dated hit me. She slapped me, which for some reason seems to be thought ok for women to do to men in a fit of anger. I told her like I will tell any future woman who does that to me – “that’s not ok. If you do that again, we’re through.” She was 5′4″, 120lbs, and it didn’t hurt too much – but that in no way diminished the wrongness of it.
The wrong or right of violence has nothing to do with ability to inflict harm – it is related to intent. It therefore has nothing to do with gender, except as gender affects intent.
I noticed a lot of people saying things like “guns are copouts” in relation to the incident this weekend. Know what else are copouts? Potted plants, bricks, chains, whips, brass knuckles, mustard gas, and bear spray. Boots are copouts. Fists are copouts. You can beat a person to death, you don’t need guns.
Once you start talking about copouts, you’re implicitly sanctioning some kinds of violence.
July 13, 2009 at 5:02 pm
(and, BTW, so glad you made it out alive. Scary as hell.)
July 13, 2009 at 6:47 pm
First off, I fixed the link in the body of blog, for those who tried to click on it earlier.
The questions I threw out there are extremely tangled and extremely loaded. It could take a book to parse out the gendered assumptions layered into each of them. I think my reaction absolutely warrants feminist consideration, as damn near everything under the sun does – understanding that a large part of my feminist inquiry involves questioning gender construction. Is the fact that I reacted the way I did : the reason why my dad never taught me how to build things? I think always questioning how much of my innate physical responses is due to gendered actions, reactions, learned responses, etc., is extremely important. Because it’s the things that feel innate, the ways in which the body seems to react without the brain’s orders, that are the most interestingly informed by society / upbringing / who the fuck knows what.
I am an avid proponent of pointing out to guys that while I’m beating my head against the wall discussing the ways in which Woman and Femininity are socially constructed phenomena I am also implicitly showing that Man and Masculinity are constructs as well…of course, most people – man or woman – could care less, but I think men more so could give a crap less. It’s refreshing to have a guy point out such considerations. However…isn’t your statement that my question betrays a stereotype held of men a logical fallacy? If I’m a woman, then I am nonviolent. If I’m a man, then I’m violent. If A, then B. If not A, then not B. I’m pretty sure it is, my mathematical friend.
The reason I don’t always want to “just unload” is because I want to stop, check myself, and make sure my reaction to someone isn’t the worst of the worst of the worst of what we are taught, as chicks: cattiness. It’s not about coddling someone else, it’s about looking at myself. I agree with you that chromosomes don’t dictate who gets a pass, but if there is some way I can be constructive without immediately being catty, then I want to head down that path. But you’re absolutely right – if someone’s a fucking idiot, then they’re a fucking idiot. The way I wrote my statement in the original blog did not exactly state what I meant.
Finally, about the “guns are copouts” twitters. I agree, statements like that implicitly sanction some kinds of violence. I will explicitly sanction some kinds of violence. I don’t believe in turn the other cheek, at least not all the time. If I thought of it, and headbutted the person who was in my face and broke his nose with my helmet, well….I would have been proud of myself. I know there is irrationality involved in that, but there you have it. I also supported the anarchists in Greece this past December, so…………………………..
July 13, 2009 at 7:08 pm
“If A, then B. If not A, then not B.” confused! Use math.
If you could shoot the guy, instead of headbutt, and break his nose only, would that be ok? I think it would. I think your aversion to shooting him reflects your understanding that you don’t seek to kill or cripple anyone, and that shooting carries that risk. So it comes back to intent. And, I wasn’t reflecting on self-defense, but the original aggression. It’s as if people are saying “oh yeah, fighting is great, but keep it civilized y’all.” Uh?
People vs. the State (and the people who embody it) is a whole other conundrum.
blah blah blah!